(not in chronological order because they disappear, reappear, redisappear and so on…)
The goalie- the reserved goalie to be specific. He was in the soccer varsity team in highschool. While the rest of the team was practicing the real game, he was there, outside the field, kicking the ball to the 10-foot cement wall. He was tall and thin, a Chinese, with a pair of chinky eyes and an indoor soccer shoes. The one who said “I’m not superman” when we broke up (well i’m not lois lane either). Maybe because the song superman by five for fighting was in the billboard’s top 100 that time. He reminds me of Gilmore Girls’ Dean, and I had been his Rory. Ha-ha. i don’t really know where he is right now but the last time we talked, which was, I think a year ago, he was thinner. he said he has a heart disease and that he is probably gonna die soon. I learned that he already plays bass guitar in a band called go for devotion that sings screamo songs. He funnily retold his sex-life to me, “twice a week.” then he said that he never thought I wrote myself the love letters I sent to him while we were in highschool. i told him, “f**k you!” and then we laughed out loud. He never even had the chance to kiss me in the cheek because I elbowed him subconsciously that his lip broke. ha-ha.
The chicken boy with a pair of chicken legs- he, as always, is fleeting. We used to exchange texts in highschool, fictionalizing “orange pillow” and “blue sky” (this is his idea). We only corresponded in text messages because we were never really friends. He says hi to my girl friends but not to me everytime we happen to walk through the corridor. Imagine how that pissed me off. So I cannot imagine myself really friends with him, his type is not in my circle. And my bestfriends hate him because he is such a flirt, in fact, too flirt for a guy. He is a womanizer but not to me, sadly. He draws and he has a way with words. His friends say that he is obsessed with me, but on what ground? No evidences at all. He is always in a blur so that our relationship lasted only a month. It was when I was so eager getting over a failed relationship in college. I told him, humbly, “I hope you realize that I’m making everything up to you.” But he was too illusive to actually make an effort whatsoever, so there it is, I had to end it before I looked like someone so desperate, but actually, I just had my first fatal karma of trying to work a relationship out. From time to time, he makes amends trying to be friends with me. And everytime, he does this, he realizes that we will never be friends. Guess what, chicken boy? I am fleeting too.
The lover- he is not actually part of this whole “boys of my life”-thing. But since what he had for me is the mirror of what i have for someone, he has to be in the list as a point of reference. (plus, people put controversy on my genuine friendship with him. so I’ll leave it short.)
The beloved- I can never talk truly of you, ever. You broke my heart. You break my heart. I want you so bad I can kill you.
*i guess i’m changing course, i want a man
